Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
I think we can learn to accept more.
And by that, I mean we need to learn to accept more.
I have spent my entire life wanting more, while only excepting less. Maybe out of resentment, maybe out of spite, or feelings of undeserving, but mainly fear.
More memories with my father. One more day to be held by my grandpa. More answers to the pain of broken relationships. One more hope that things get better.
I wanted more, but took less. Hands too full as I hold on to what I have lost more than I hold on to what I could be given. I have closed my mind to the thought of good with the fear of the bad that was inevitably going to follow. I have counted myself out of the game without a chance to prove my worth.
But I still wanted more.
I have closed my hands and shielded my heart from being filled with what could have been the truth I craved, or the peace that I desperately needed - all with fear of what I might once again lose. I refused to receive anything into this parched soul of mine.
I wanted to have open hands, with a closed heart. I wanted to be able to set it all in front of me, with freedom to only take up that which I could handle, that which would not ask too much of me, that which would not change the game. That which was safe and could not hurt me or walk away.
I wanted to be able to choose what I held dear, and, inevitably, by choosing I would choose wrong.
I have secretly wanted to fill myself with light and grace and hope, all while living behind walls I can't even break down.
We all want more, while secretly also fearing more, so we settle for the less.
Let's stop settling. Let's stop holding ourselves back. Let's drop what we have been holding on to for far too long, and let's make room for the good, the beautiful, the healing. Healing - that is what we are missing.
We need to heal.
We need openness, discernment, faith, in all the things that are waiting to fill our souls. We need to let go of the pain we have held on to. We need to let go of the fear that everything good will leave. We need to heal.
It's okay to want more. We've just gotta learn let go at the same time, and allow ourselves to heal along the way.
Now, let go.
So... who gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins? It’s not on the calendar, it’s not a birthday, it’s not a new year. It’s an event, big or small, something that changes us. Ideally, that gives us hope, a new way of living and looking at the world. A way of letting go of old habits, old memories.
What’s important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning, but it’s also important to remember that amid all the crap, there are a few things worth holding on to.
In order to reach our hands and heart out to something new, we have to also let go of something. Whatever it is that you want, you are going to have to give up something.
You want more freedom? Give up the need for certainty.
You want more simplicity? Give up the impulse to have it all.
You want more peace? Give up the raging fears in your chest.
You want more love? Give up the throbbing belief that you are not worthy.
God gently whispers, "It's okay to let go, I have so much more for you."
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.