My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning?
O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer,
and by night, but I find no rest.
Psalm 22:1-2 (READ ON)
Can we be this honest with God in our agony? Can we cry out like David does?
A year ago yesterday, we lost my grandpa (B), thirteen years ago last month (also the 21st) we lost my dad. Before that grandma, after that grandpa (H), great-grandma and great-grandpa, friends, teachers... Grief has always had a staring role in my life.
Last night we got a phone call that Tyler's grandpa had had a stroke. Okay grief, you can take your last bow any day now...
I want to believe that God can see me in my greatest pain and hear me and love me and not turn away from me. Because when I am honest, I feel a lot of pain and anger, and I don't want to come to God with some facade. Heck no. In my greatest moments of agony I want to cry out as David did. And I should. We all should. Because in the end the answer will always be:
I do not hide My face from you;
I hear you, and I cry with you.
Because I wholeheartedly believe that the weight of my agony lightens when I am honest with God. The weight will only take me down when I turn from Him and hide my pain.
"Do not be far from me," cries David, over and over again. Because he knows - he knows that we must have a total dependency on God. And He is always near. But often we fear that He is not. That the reason for this pain is due to His not-so-closeness. But this is a lie that the enemy places in the center of our hardships. He uses our own fears and pain to trick us into thinking that God has left us.
And we have a choice...
We can listen to that voice and we can turn our pain over to the world of temporary fixes and numbness.
Or we can trust that,
When I cried I was rescued;
in You I trusted and I was not put to shame.
We can live with the BUT GOD mentality that daily reminds us of His oh-so-closeness. Because NOTHING we experience is far off from Him. HE.IS.CLOSE.
"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me..." will always be answered with "It is finished."