It was probably a Sunday. That seems to be the day most of these moments happen. After another week of mundane routine, I was a little hopeless of all the tomorrows. I knew they would inevitably come, but I couldn't imagine much other than more mundane and more routine.
Maybe it was the doubt circling every dream I had. Maybe it was my own fear in success. Maybe it was the darkness I let myself dwell in. Maybe it was my walls that I had built so high.
All of that and more. More being the prayers I grudgingly muttered throughout the day. the hope dwindling behind me, and the faith in a God who was for me quickly fading.
I don't remember what happened next. I don't remember why I opened up my Bible, but I did.
What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? // Romans 8:31
It was in that moment, quiet and fierce, that I realized God was for me. He was for ME. That's all that mattered, and that was more than enough.
Not even I could come against myself.
It wasn't an easy battle, but the great ones never are. The ones worth remembering, worth changing us, are never simple. We have to be challenged. We have to be broken. We have to be emptied. It's as simple as this: we cannot find our way into the light without first conquering the darkness. Darkness, as we know, is simply the absence of light. Just as our greatest fears are simply the absence of hope. We are not the desolate and desperate. We are the hopeful and auspicious.
That's the silent realization we need to find: that even in the mundane, routine, and drought, God is still for us.
Record my misery; list my tears on your scroll - are they not in your record? Then my enemies will turn back when I call for help. By this I will know that God is for me. In God, whose word I praise, in the Lord, whose word I praise - in God I trust and am not afraid. What can man [or or myself] do to me? I am under vows to you, my God; I will present my thank offerings to you. For you have delivered me from death and my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before God in the light of life. // Psalm 56